This page has transcriptions of Barney Gumble's dialogue.
Now what will I use for a toilet?
Krusty's not here, little Homer. He's down at the Squidport, doing a promo for this new Buzz Cola.
Control human behaviour? No beverage could do that! Oh no, I haven't had a Duff in two hours, my life is over! sobbing
And I have to stay here and go through the DTs!
Take what you want, sexy leprechaun. Just don't shoot me with that dart gun! Ohh.
Don't drive drunk!
My liver broke!
Damn you, elephant!
Ow! That makes my head hurt!
Ow, that hurt!
Stop it, buffalo girl!
You can't take my dignity, or my vomit bag!
Why are you doing this?
I'll accept abuse for a quarter.
I think I'll pass out now.
That sobered me up!
Stop it! My reflexes are dulled by years of self-abuse!
This happens every second Thursday.
Oh no, the gypsy was right! I am drunk!
Please stop doing that, I have very little dignity left.
Go back to your own planet!
Maybe I should just stay down.
Hey, I spilled my drink!
Wah! Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Hey, whose vomit is this? Oh, I guess it doesn't matter.
Aahh! I'm drowning in garbage water!
Ah, I've seen better days, but the food is free.